“It is not the strongest of the species that survives nor the most intelligent, but the one most adaptable to change.”  Charles Darwin

Change is a natural occurrence of life. I view change as synonymous with growth. Many of us are afraid of change. It can feel uncomfortable to change your daily routine or surroundings. Nothing in this life stays the same. Each of us is on our own journey. A journey is defined as going somewhere. Going somewhere entails moving from one place to another.  If we are moving forward, it is only natural that the “scenery” around us begins to change. In order to live a fulfilled life, it is necessary to embrace every situation that you might find yourself in with the intention of learning from each one. Once you embrace change as not only a natural , but necessary process, life ,in its entirety, begins to take on a deeper meaning. It’s like switching from regular television to higher definition television. You begin to pay attention. Your experiences become “realer” and what you witness, more vivid. The little things become more important. No experience is taken for granted. There is a greater appreciation simply for having the opportunity to live. Although it may not be easy,you are certain to come out better on the other side of it. There is no need to fear. Fear is based on assumptions. There are no absolutes. To give in to the fear of change is to halt your growth. If you are not growing, you are dying, period. Without change ,there is no evolution. The lack of evolution(change) leads to stagnation and death. This cannot happen. You have the power within you to prevent it from happening. The ability to evolve is deeply embedded in your DNA. You are designed to be a master not be mastered. If you are currently “crippled” by fear, now is the time to solve the problem. Let’s look at some possible solutions.

1. Focus on the opportunity to learn.

             Learn from the situation presented to you. Learn more about yourself based upon your response to what you just witnessed. Did you react in a way that was unexpected? Change happens to all of us. It is a natural process of the cycle of life. You don’t have to be a victim. Certain life changes are challenging, perhaps, traumatic and heartbreaking. I have had my share. There is only , but so much crying,cursing and arguing that you can do. Life goes on. Resourcefulness is a valuable skill. At some point, if you are still breathing, it will be time to move on. There is no getting around it.Make the most out of the transition. Consciously look for the lesson. Be determined to , ultimately, be better from the experience. Although  it may seem like we can’t control certain events that occur in our lives, we can learn to control our emotional response. There is no need to fear.

2. Don’t allow outside circumstances to define you.

Remember that you are a creator by nature. You create based on your emotional and physical reactions. They determine what and who appears in your life. You are THE creator , therefore , every thought or word that stems from you MUST have a direct effect on the outcome of any situation. Choose your thoughts and words wisely. Be patient. Time is an illusion. Relish in the knowing that whatever you put out must come back to you. It is the “law”. You define the circumstances. Expect blessings even if what is transpiring seems like a curse. Once you have established this truth about who you are and what you are capable of , what is there to fear? You begin to realize that whatever and whoever appears in your life, regardless of the appearance, comes to “serve” you in some way.

As human beings, for most of us, it is a natural inclination to socialize. For many of us , we love to have friends. We like the idea of being popular as well as liked by others. Having healthy relationships contributes towards our personal growth. They help to improve our quality of life. When this happens, life can  become more fulfilling for us. That being said, there are also numerous benefits to being comfortable with being by your self. As beneficial as having relationships is, it is arguably more important to be able to enjoy solitude.

According to an article in the Huffington Post, 1 in 3 adults in the United States they fear being alone. In another article featured in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology it was stated that fear of being single may drive adults to either stay in toxic relationships or settle for partners below their standard. Life is too short to be crippled by fear of anything. You are not designed to be overpowered. Surrendering to your fears halts your growth. Fear is meant to be managed and mastered. Although it can be a problem,it comes with a solution. Problems and solutions are opposite sides of the same coin. Let’s look at several possible solutions that others have used to overcome their fear of being alone.

Pursue Interests or Hobbies

Use your time alone to research topics that you are interested in learning more about. Perhaps there are hobbies that you used to engage in earlier in your life. If not, a quick google search can open up “doors” to potentially unlimited opportunities. You need to keep your mind engaged. Hobbies are great for our personal development. Once you start pursuing them , eventually, you will improve. Once you start improving, you might start developing stronger self esteem. You begin to expand your capabilities  which can strengthen your sense of self worth. People who possess high levels of self esteem tend not to struggle with fear of loneliness. They are comfortable in their own skin. They know how to entertain themselves and do not require someone else to complete them.

Build Nourishing Relationships/Eliminate Toxic Ones

Surround yourself with people that genuinely like you for you are. This group also includes family members. Certain family members may love you, but not necessarily like you because you don’t “fit” the mold that THEY have created for you. That’s their business. Establish relationships with people who love you for who you are. You support one another and enjoy each others company. You also respect each others space. There are many of us that grew up in toxic, abusive environments. Consciously and subconsciously, these experiences shape who we become. Perhaps you are involved in a relationship with someone who is controlling or grew up with an abusive, overbearing parent. If we are not mindful, these experiences condition us to think that those type of relationships are normal. We attach our personal identity to them. We can go throughout our entire lives attracting the same type of character perpetuating the same dysfunctional cycle over and over again. In theses cases, it is better to be alone. Why associate yourself with people who sap your energy? Nourishing relationships empower you. You empower one another. You live other feeling better yourself ,them and life, in general. A good sign of an enriching relationship is anticipation for your next meeting. You appreciate one another and enjoy spending time together, but neither of you are the center of the other persons’ life. A person who has invested in relationships that prove constructive and empowering  never truly feel alone even when they are by themselves.

Search for Opportunities to Meet People

Look for clubs to join. If you decide to establish a long term hobby that keeps you engaged, look for a meetup group consisting of like minded people. Go to concerts or social events. Search online for social events in your community that are either free or low cost. Join a gym. Regardless of what you decide to join, always remember that you tend to attract who you are. I can’t stress enough the importance of being comfortable with who you are as an individual. This is important. Remember that you are already complete, therefore, you are not lacking anything. Own it. If not, you position yourself to attract people who do not have your best interest at heart. Beware of the energy drainers and dream killers. Never settle.

Focus on Finding Opportunities to Help Others

Helping others can give you a sense of purpose. We tend to feel fulfilled when others look up to us for assistance and guidance. Life becomes more meaningful. Serving others empowers . We begin to appreciate life more. We become more grateful for what we have. It takes our focus off of our own challenges. Regardless of where you are in life, there are others that can benefit from your wisdom and help. You might not consider yourself wise, but you are. Your “wisdom” is your life , personality and perspective . Look for opportunities to share it with others. Both the giver of kindness and recipient of it benefit.  Serving is a solution for loneliness for all parties involved. Everybody wins.

In conclusion, it is unnatural for any of us to be mastered by anything. Freedom , in all of its forms, is your birthright. You are each here to live on purpose. If you allow it to,fear will cripple you  right where you stand. When you face your fear, acknowledge it ,yet decide to do what scares you anyway, you begin to take your power back. Again, although fear is natural, it must be managed. Fear management leads to fear mastery. Mastery leads to freedom. “Freedom to do what?”, you might ask. Freedom to live your best life… on your own terms. To live this way, is to live your truth. This is what the worlds needs. It needs more people to have the courage to live their truth. They are the changemakers. It is up to the changemakers to save the world. Power to the changemakers… Conquer your fear….  Until next time..

You have a message. Your “message”  is your life. You determine  how impactful your message is to the world. According to BrandonGraille.com, an estimated 5.3 million Americans suffer from social phobia, 74% of that group from speech anxiety.  Based on my own research and practice, I have identified several key steps that have personally helped me to overcome this fear in my own life. My confidence in this area has grown so much that I actually aspire to be a full time professional speaker.

Know your topic

Practice,practice  and practice more. Research your topic so that when you speak about it, you speak with authority. Your speech should sound as natural as possible. You don’t need to have a doctorate  on the topic, but you do need to be prepared. More times than not, you will be more knowledgeable on the topic than your listeners. They are expecting to learn something about the topic from you. You don’t have to know everything that there is to know about a topic. As a rule of thumb, focus on being a step ahead of the average knowledge level of your audience.

Don’t focus on the entire group

Focus on one person at a time. It is easy to get overwhelmed especially when speaking in front of a large group. Scan the room . Look for a “kind” face. I would go as far as inviting a close friend or relative to attend the event. They can be your point person. Once you find that individual, their reactions to your words can serve to help you to relax. It is also important to remember that you are not the first person to have gotten nervous speaking in front of a group.  Speaking gets easier with practice. Even seasoned speakers get nervous. They learn to manage their fear. They do not allow it to cripple them.

You don’t have to be perfect

Your audience was not with you when you were creating nor practicing the speech. You will be the recognized authority. If you have given yourself enough time to practice, you should have enough information stored in your brain to “wing” it if you have to.

Speak “naturally”

This speaking can only be acquired through constant practice. You rehearse your speech until it is embedded in your spirit. Research the topic and as much as possible, find out as much information as you can about your audience. You are delivering a message that is ideally catered to your listeners. Always remember to take the focus off you. The goal is to connect with your audience. Taking the focus of off your performance and more on the needs of the people you are speaking to can ease the stress of speaking before a group.

Focus on sharing the message.

The group that you will be speaking to need to hear what you have to say. You have important information to share and you are the perfect one to do it.

One thing is for certain. Regardless of what the fear is, you must be willing to face it in order to overcome it. It is natural to feel afraid, at times. The problem arises once we allow the fear to cripple us. Overcoming our fears leads to growth. You were born to conquer not to be conquered. When we muster up the courage to face our challenges, those that observe us are inspired to face theirs. You are never truly alone. The world needs to hear what you have to say. Count on it. Until next time.