Are You a People Pleaser?

” I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.”

Ed Sheeran 

This life is too short to live it for other people. You do both yourself and others a disservice by doing so. Why live your life walking on egg shells around people that might not give a damn about you? You have more to give this world than you could even begin to wrap your head around. Too many of us allow ourselves to be influenced by our surroundings, the media and other people. It is time to stand up and lead. My definition of a leader is someone who stands by their convictions no matter who disagrees with them. They are both comfortable and confident in their own skin. They are their own one man/one woman movement. They  don’t need a following to “lead”. They are not arrogant. They realize that there is always something to learn and people to learn from. They appreciate the value of mentorship ,yet they never put people on pedestals. They are focused on accomplishing their  goals and never,ever give up. As long as they are breathing, they are  learning, evolving , overcoming and thriving. They maintain an active role in designing their own lifestyle based on their terms. This is a true definition of freedom. They claim their own destiny free of the need to be accepted by the masses. As I wrote earlier, they are their own movement. Now it’s your turn. First, let’s do a “gut check”. We need to flesh out any people pleasing tendencies that you might not be aware of yet. I have identified certain traits. Perhaps some will be familiar to you. I will present each one as a question. Here we go.

1)Are you a “yes person”?

Well, are you? Are you the type of person whose identity and sense of self worth is based primarily on whose social circle you are part of? Do you simply have to be part of the “clique”? A yes person has figured out exactly what to say and when to say it. For this reason, they can’t be trusted. Generally, they are out for themselves. “Yes” people are like leeches. They take , take and take some more. A yes person “shares” empty , insincere compliments. Even if they are rewarded for their loyalty by the group “leader”, he or she  might not have a clear idea where that individual truly stands. Stand on your own convictions. There is an old expression that states,” Don’t set yourself on fire in order to keep someone else warm.”

2)Do you avoid sharing your opinion?

Perhaps I should ask ,”Are you afraid to share your opinion?”  Do you sincerely believe that your opinion has value for others. How will you know if you never share it? When a person decides to be authentic, in many cases, their actions tend to inspire others to be real. Do not be afraid to look “stupid”. You might add a new insight to a situation that might be needed. Never underestimate your value even if others do. In order to truly be successful, you must become your greatest cheerleader.

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3)Do you worry about hurting other’s people’s feelings more than valuing your own?

I’m not implying that you intentionally aim to hurt others. Try your best to get along with others shouldn’t require you to suffer emotionally in the process. A rule of thumb that I live by is the golden rule which states “Treat others the way that you want to be treated.” I strongly believe that if we each consciously lived by that creed, our thoughts and actions would ignite a ripple effect that span the globe. It would literally change the world! The entire human population would benefit. It is impossible to live your life afraid of offending others . How would you ever realize your full potential? Never shrink back from sharing your original ideas . You matter just as much as anyone else on this planet. Don’t forfeit your power. The world needs to hear what you have to say.

4)Are you terrified of others not liking you?

Treating others the way that you want to be treated will always be good enough. Period. If someone doesn’t like you even though you have never intentionally set out to hurt them, that is their business. Keep moving forward. No human being should ever live their life based on fear. Recently, I read an article online on the Huffington Post website titled “The Need to be Liked.” It was written by Psychologist Roger Corin Phd. He “guesstimated” that out of the 7 billion people on the planet, about roughly 20 percent didn’t like him or , for that matter, anyone else. He calculated that amount to be around 1.4 billion people. He chose to focus on the 5.6 billion people left over that did like him. The conclusion was that he would be okay with those odds. You should too.

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5)Are you terrified of being alone?

It is better to be alone than to have toxic , draining relationships. You have too much to offer to settle for anything less than adequate associations. Life is too short. Surround yourself with high energy people while making sure that your energy is reciprocating theirs. You want to associate yourself with people who have their own minds yet are open minded to hearing other points of view. Connect with others that not only accept ,but embrace you as you are. You are and will always be good enough. If someone else doesn’t think so, they are not worth your time. Hold no grudges. They do more harm to you than the individual(s) that hurt you. Learn to wish them well and move on…. quickly!!

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People pleasers are not genuinely happy people. How can you be happy basing your self worth on the opinion of others. Choose to be happy, empowered and free of the need to be approved by others. Life becomes a vicious, dysfunctional, self deprecating cycle if we continue to devalue ourselves. In all of human history,there has never been nor will there ever be anyone quite like you. You are unique. The world needs you to be exactly as you are. No filter. Know your worth. Until next time….

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